Isaac ate my cookie

I have to tell the story of one of my sweetest moments with Isaac thus far. It happened last night and I know that if I don't write it down I'll forget it. We had gotten home from Panera and he had a piece of cookie left in a bag. I told him that he could eat that one piece and no more (I also had a piece of cookie left). A few minutes later he came into the kitchen holding the empty cookie bag with a sneaky little grin on his face. I looked at him and said, "Isaac, that was not right you should not have done that". And he asked, "did I lie?" I said, "no you did not lie, you stole." "What did I steal," he asked? I said, "you stole that other piece of cookie." He asked whose it was. And I told him that he stole my last piece of cookie. (In my heart I was not angry at all, I just wanted him to understand that he should come and ask first and he should not just take something that he was told not to take). So he walked away. About five mintues later I heard a little voice calling from the next room. "I'm sorry I took your cookie." I walked around the corner. "What did you say?". He was peaking up from behind the couch with a sad little face and said again, "I'm sorry that I ate your cookie." I could tell that he was truely upset. I pulled him onto my lap and and I told him that I forgive him, and that God forgives him. I said that he does not need to feel guilty anymore. It's OK. And as I told him how much I love him, tears were just streaming out of his sweet eyes and crashing down onto his shoulders. My heart was just overflowing with love for this sweet boy.

As I told the story to Dan last night it became clear how beautiful and redemptive true confession is. How much more does our heavenly father want to hold us in his lap and tell us that it is OK. We don't need to feel guilty anymore. We don't need to hide. We are forgiven and we are loved. I hope that I will approach my heavenly father as Isaac approached me last night and that I will let him grab me up onto his lap and dry my tears and console my heart. Thank you Isaac for this beautiful story.

Lily's Birthday Party

Our sweet Lily Belle turned three exactly a week ago. We were actually on the road on the way back to Nashville from Chicago on her actual birthday. And thus far in her life, she has had more birthdays waking up at the Davidson's house, than she has at her own house (2 at the Davidsons, 1 at home). It's hard to believe that our precious little girl came into the world three whole years ago!! What an enormous blessing she has been to Dan, myself, and Isaac. We all love her so dearly.

Last night we got celebrate lily at her birthday party with all her Nashville friends. One super sweet story about her birthday party. We had been planning on having her party at the park just down the street from our house. Dan was sent out to the grocery store just an hour before the party. He called me to let me know that there were already two big parties going on at the park. So, we had to do a super quick change of plans. As quick as we could we cleaned the house and got ready for the party to be here. As we were in the midst of getting everything ready and running around lily walked up to me with the biggest tears in her eyes, and fighting back the sobs, and says with a big frowny face "mommy, no one is going to come to my party now." And huge tears started rolling down her face. I grabbed her up into my arms and tried to explain that Dan and I had called all her friends and told them to come to our house instead of the park. I told her not to be sad, and that we would have a fun party at the house. And these huge tears kept streaming down her face. In her mind, we had canceled the party, and all her friends were going to the park. As soon as she realized they were coming to our house, she was happy again and had a super fun time!! It was such a sweet moment.

First Day of School

All summer long, every time that we pass St. Georges (where the kids to go school) I would hear, "MOM...how much longer till school starts???" It was so sweet to know that they were excited to start school. Isaac was returning this year and lily was starting her first year. We are so glad that Lily gets to have Isaac's teachers from last year.

Isaac's first day was Wednesday. The day was dedicated to "Isaac's first day of school." He got to pick any breakfast and so he choose crepes, and I think that he ate between 12 and 15 crepes. First day of school appetite I guess. When we walked in the school, I was prepared for tears and anxiety, but he walked right into his class and seemed so happy to be back. After school I asked how it went and he said, "Me, Boyd, and Porter played super-heros on the playground. I was ironman, Boyd was batman, and Porter was spider man. " In four year old little boy language that means....success.

Today was Lily's first day. This morning she was sad, saying that she didn't want to go to school. So, I said, OK...then you don't have to go, to which she replied...I WANT TO GO!!! Lily also got to pick whatever breakfast she wanted, and she also chose crepes :) Luckily I made extra yesterday and froze some. :) She was nervous when we got there but also very proud of herself. She wouldn't let me hold her or her school bag. When I picked her up, I asked how the day went, and she said, "I didn't cry, and I didn't have an accident." In 2 1/2 little girl language that means....success.

This morning at around 9:02 am I walked out of Lily's classroom alone. I walked down the hall of the school and got in my car alone. I felt tears in the back of my throat. It's funny that just about four years ago I didn't know what it would feel like to have a child, and today I can barely remember the feeling of not having them. As I ran my errands this morning, feeling sad, and looking at the other moms with kids in their carts, I was reminding myself that there was a time that I used to do everything without little buddies.

I think that one of the funny things about life, is how things are just always changing. It's exciting that the kids are getting older. it's exciting to see them figuring out things on their own and becoming more independent. And, I've been so looking forward to the idea of having some time on my own...but there's also a sorrow and a loss in the passing of time. A sadness that we all are moving on and changing. They will never be babies again. They will never need me again as they did in those first months and years. I am thankful for those first months and year, and I am thankful for my beautiful Isaac and Lily today. What precious gifts they are!!

football and movie night

It's so hard for me to imagine that just four years ago I didn't know two little people named Isaac and Lily. What a funny and sweet two little people they are.

Last night all four of us went to the TN Titans practice. Our friend Pete Ittersagen is on the team, which made it extra fun!! Before the game I made some "home made" Ittersagen jerseys for Dan and the kids. Just to note; even past 6:30 pm, it is nasty hot and humid here in middle tennessee.

We have started a new tradition in the Orr house this summer. It is called "movie night". It happens every friday. We eat pizza (that dan makes), we all drink coke, we have wrestle-mania (where jumping off the couch is allowed), and then we take turns picking the movie for the week. Each week I am surprised at how excited the kids get for movie night. The beauty of childhood :) (below is a pic from this last movie night...just before we all watched Tinker bell...lily's choice.)

One prayer that I have had for Isaac and Lily is that they will love each other as more than siblings, that they will love each other as friends. It was such a gift for me to grow up with a sister who was also my best friend. I'm sure it's too early to tell if God will answer my prayer, but from what I can see already, I am very thankful. Isaac and lily love hanging out all day, every day. They don't just play together in the same place, they are always interacting and creating forts and hide outs. They build things together and take care of lily's babies together, and play petshop together. Of course they squabble like all siblings, but they truly enjoy the other. One of my favorite things is when Lily calls Isaac her big brother. Like, "mommy, where's my big brother? I need him." And I also love that Lily calls Isaac "I-Z". A nick name that she created all on her own. So sweet. She ALWAYS calls him that.

moments

There are moments when I really miss having a baby to hold, or when I think back to Isaac or lily being curled up in my arms and I feel sad. But, mostly, I just LOVE the age that they are today. I love interacting with them as little people, who can do so many things on their own, and who say the funniest, sweetest, most interesting things. Every day they make me laugh and smile and say to myself, how in the world did I ever get these two precious people. I know that most days come and go without me taking note of all the wonderful things that they say and do, but lately it has just been too good not to write down. Here are some favorites:

1. A couple days ago Dan came home from work and he was sitting outside with Isaac. Dan asked Isaac, “how was your day?”. Isaac thinks for a moment and then replies, “It was a struggle.” A little bewildered, Dan looks at him and says, “It was a struggle??”. Isaac says, “yeah, it was a struggle, because when we were in the fabric store today Lily was really misbehaving.”

2. A few months back Dan bought Isaac a Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls jersey. It was kind of a pricey item for a 3 year old. Well, as it turns out Isaac will NOT wear it. We have tried everything to get him to wear it. The other night at dinner a friend of ours was over and was telling Isaac how much he LOVES basketball jerseys and how cool it is to wear them. Isaac takes a long pause and says, “Josh, I do not appreciate that comment.” Then another pause and says, “I do not appreciate basketball jerseys.”

3. The kids have gotten into this phase where they are always asking Dan and I (and babysitters) to tell them stories about when we were little. It’s mostly cute, but sometimes taxing. Anyway, tonight I was laying down with Lily and after I told her a story she said that she wanted to tell me a story. Here is her story, “I was in your belly, and then I fell out, and then a big scary monkey came and got me (at this point I giggled a little and she looked at me and said, Mommy…DON’T LAUGH!), and so the big monkey came and got me, and then I found a big Daddy cookie, and I ate it, and then I got sick, and then I came home.”

4. Tonight we were driving in the car and Isaac said that he saw a super big house. So I asked him, “When you get older, do you want to live in a small house or a super big house?” He paused for quite awhile…I wondered if he forgot the question, then he answered, “I want to live in a medium house.” And I said, “what is a medium house like?” And he said, “just like the house that we live in now. Accept I don’t think that I will live in Nashville, I would like to live in the house next to our blue house in Wheaton.”

5. The other day I was asking the kids if they would like it if we had another baby. And they enthusiastically said that they would, and that they would be my helpers. Lily said that she would like to give the baby a bath and put “her” jammies on. Isaac said that he would feed the baby milk, and give the baby toys, and that if “she” got sad that he would always sing “her” a song.

What a sweet sweet gift it is for me to enjoy these moments.

thankful

Life is always changing; never staying the same. I am acutely aware of the as I feel like I am seeing these two little ones growing up before my eyes. Since I last wrote over two months have gone by!! YIKES!! Times is just running away from me.

Below are some favorite every day shots of Isaac and Lily. I am so thankful for their beautiful lives :)

Dancing in the rain

It's funny because I am about to post some pictures of the kids dancing in the rain. Not literally dancing in the rain, but dancing on the table inside the house, right next to the windows, where they were watching it raining outside. The funny part is that as I just wrote the title, "dancing in the rain", it made me think about motherhood, or parenthood in general. I think that being a mom is a lot like dancing in the rain. When you are a mom there are always a variety of difficulties to face each and every day. You can assume on any given day that things will not go according to whatever plan you may have in mind. There is a constant barrage of spilled drinks, accidents on the bed, broken toys, fights to break up, "no you cannot eat cookies right now", instructions to give, crumbs everywhere- crumbs on the floor, crumbs on the couch, crumbs all over the car, crumbs in your bed, crumbs in the bathroom, crumbs in my drawers- and the list could go on and on. And so it goes that most days are rainy days of sorts. But it is in the midst of those rainy days that you can either put your head down and dream for a sunshiny day, or you can just dance in the rain. And as I have spent time doing both, I think it is the dancing in the rain that parenthood is all about. It is when things are all askew (both on the outside and on the inside) but we make the decision to dance that parenthood starts to make sense. It is in those moments, when we stop trying to get our house and our life under control, that our children become most precious to us. It is in the dancing that we are set free from all the worry about the rain. It is in the dancing that our children actually encounter us and connect with us and community and fellowship happen within our homes. So here's to spending our days dancing in the rain!

Side note: Tonight I was praying with Isaac before bed. He reminded me to pray for Japan. So I did. He added, "God, I pray for all the kids who lost their toys that you will give them all the same toys that we have. god, I pray for all the kids who lost their parents, maybe because when the water came they got eaten by a shark, I pray that they will not be scared or alone. I pray for all the kids and all the parents and all the grandmas." As he prayed for those things, I was moved more genuinely for Japan and for the people who are suffering there than I have been thus far.

Every Day is fun

We have for sure hit a new stride. Not to say that my days are without struggle, but my life looks very different than it did one year ago, and VERY VERY different than it did two years ago. My feelings and my thoughts surrounding Isaac and Lily are overflowing with fun and enjoyment. Every day I just want to bottle up their cute voices, and all the funny things that they say. There is a sweetness and an innocence about them that is almost intoxicating. I am so often straddling the line of tightly grasping each moment and desperately trying to hold onto it in the realization that it is so fleeting and just living in the moment and enjoying it and loosely holding onto these days, weeks, months, and years.

My sister recently told me about a book called something like, "My daughter got swallowed by a princess." It's about a mom of a pre-school aged girl who is confused and perplexed by the ever increasing femininity pouring out of her daughter. Wow...can I relate. It is sweet and beautiful and pure and I don't really know what to do with it. I have no memory of a princess obsession. I have never been especially fond of the color pink. I am now 31 years old and have acquired minimal jewelry, but have never been that excited about it. I have a two-year-old little princess flying all over the house covered in pink polka dots from head to tow. She is enthralled with any kind of jewelry, love to wear high heel princess shoes all over the house, and the other day when I put on my sweater lily remarked, "That looks cute on you mommy." I looked at her dumbfounded. I love that this stage really seems to be a genuine expression of who she is. I love her passion for pink polka dots and clothes and princesses.

A few days ago lily was spinning around the living room. (one reason why I am so glad that I have a little girl - I have yet to see Isaac spinning through the living room). And I look at her and I say, "Lily, you are just so cute. I can't handle it!" Isaac looks over at her and he says, "I can handle it." Then he proceeds to run over and tackle lily to the ground. Then I hear him yell up to me from the floor, "I handled it." Dan and I were quite amused.

This is just such a small picture into the richness of each and every day. These children are such a gift. Such a joy. Such a grace in my life.

One more note. Dan and I have been intrigued by Isaacs spiritual ponderings. He asks some really good questions and seems like he always has this backdrop in his mind for a spiritual understanding to life. He has been especially interested in death and heaven. He asks tons of questions about heaven, and who is going to be there, and what it will be like, etc. He reiterates a lot of things we have told him about heaven or about Jesus on a regular basis. Tonight after dinner I was leaving for the grocery store and he runs to the back door and says, "Mommy, I love you. I love you so much. But, Jesus loves you way more!". This morning as we were rushing out the door to church, my patience was wearing thin. Later I apologized to Isaac for my grumpiness. He said, "I forgive you mommy. You aren't a perfect mommy, but Jesus is a perfect mommy." And then tonight at dinner something happened and I can't remember exactly what it was, but it prompted Isaac to say, "Daddy, you are a bad guy, but Jesus is making you into a good guy. And mommy, you are a bad girl, but Jesus is making you into a good girl." In each of those moments I am just shocked. I didn't think that a three year old could grasp, comprehend, or really care about these things. But Isaac is very engaged, and I am thankful and humbled.